Raising children is a battle. Definitely the most beautiful battle you'll ever love to lose. I say this because I don't care who you are - you're going to lose that battle at least once. No parent is perfect, and if you are, I want to know what drugs you take to do it. I'm gonna need in on that deal.
Once upon a time, the only thing I planned for my life was to have kids. I mean, before that I said I was never having kids - just dogs. Lots and lots of dogs. I still wonder why I changed my mind on that one. But, after I did, the only thing I knew I wanted to do when I grew up was be a mommy. I wanted four kids, 18 months between them. I thought I would read all the books, and eat only according to the recommended diet, and take my kids to mommy and me classes and generally be the best and most prepared mother ever. Until that second line. I wasn't even sure I did that much right. I remember texting my friend from work saying "I think I'm pregnant. There're two lines, but I'm not sure I did it right." Her response? "How the f$*% do you pee wrong?" In my defense, the test required me to insert something into something and then pee on something else and....HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER ALL OF THIS WHEN I'M SO ANXIOUS!?!
Turns out, the test had a margin of error for humans riddled with anxiety and it worked the way it was supposed to. I was pregnant. My plans for my upcoming white girl wasted weekend were put on hold - a long hold. But I was thrilled. And that pregnancy was a dream. Minimal nausea, only during my first trimester, and no complications at all. Yes, I had some general discomfort, but who doesn't. And when my first son was born, only two days after his due date, I was ready to hit the ground running. We did everything according to the books when we left the hospital - for about the first weekend.
Since then, I've added two more to the bunch, and can only fly by the seat of my pants. And I lose on a daily basis. I lose my mind, my patience, my socks, my kids pants (seriously, why do they never leave them on?). And on top of it all, I get to hear things like "I wish so and so was my mommy, because she's nice" or "You're not a good parent. I like Daddy better."
At the end of the day, though, I tuck my little terrors into bed, and with their little arms wrapped around my neck, I hear the words "I love you Mommy". And I lose again. I lose all the sadness, craze, and frustration of the day. And the only thing I feel is gratitude. These little men depend on me for so much, and somewhere someone or something (depending on your beliefs) trusted that I could be responsible for that. I have a purpose, and a chance to shape the world for another person.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Monday, May 12, 2014
Better than Christmas morning...
May is generally a celebratory month in my house. I was married on May 8, 2010. We celebrate Mother's Day. Snow melts and temps warm up. It's my favorite month overall.
Surprisingly, my first release date coincides with this. BRAIDED STRINGS was published on May 8, my 4th anniversary. I discovered it was live on Mother's Day, which was so appropriate since it is my first book baby. I spent the entire day grinning from ear to ear because I was so excited to share my work with the world...nervous, but excited.
Every positive review leaves me a bit teary eyed and giddy. I haven't received a negative review yet, but it's early days, I know it'll come. Not everyone who picks up a book loves it - as much I want my book to be the one that changes that. I think we all do when we put our words and thoughts out there. Our characters are part of us, as writers. In our minds, we sweat, cry, bleed, and laugh with the people on the pages.
It's said that being a mother is allowing your heart to live outside your body. Being an author is allowing your mind to live outside your head. And I'm ok with that. I know there will be good days and there will be bad days. I'm going to take each one in stride, and be proud of my baby no matter what people think of it. Because I love that little book, and everyone in it.
I hope you all do, too! <3
Surprisingly, my first release date coincides with this. BRAIDED STRINGS was published on May 8, my 4th anniversary. I discovered it was live on Mother's Day, which was so appropriate since it is my first book baby. I spent the entire day grinning from ear to ear because I was so excited to share my work with the world...nervous, but excited.
Every positive review leaves me a bit teary eyed and giddy. I haven't received a negative review yet, but it's early days, I know it'll come. Not everyone who picks up a book loves it - as much I want my book to be the one that changes that. I think we all do when we put our words and thoughts out there. Our characters are part of us, as writers. In our minds, we sweat, cry, bleed, and laugh with the people on the pages.
It's said that being a mother is allowing your heart to live outside your body. Being an author is allowing your mind to live outside your head. And I'm ok with that. I know there will be good days and there will be bad days. I'm going to take each one in stride, and be proud of my baby no matter what people think of it. Because I love that little book, and everyone in it.
I hope you all do, too! <3
CARA WYATT fell in love with her best friend.
She’d been afraid to share her feelings with him, until one day, when an impulsive decision gave them the opportunity at a relationship that they’d been denying for years…
DELANEY BLAKE was in love with Cara from the moment he met her.
He knew she relied on him, but Cara didn’t realize he relied on her just as much. However, he had plans. A strict outline of what his future should be, and he was determined to make them happen.
When Delaney was faced with having to choose between her and his future, he panicked, and Cara pushed him away believing it was better than facing potential rejection.
More than a year later, she has to risk facing that rejection, and even worse, anger for the SECRETS she kept from him when it all fell apart…
She’d been afraid to share her feelings with him, until one day, when an impulsive decision gave them the opportunity at a relationship that they’d been denying for years…
DELANEY BLAKE was in love with Cara from the moment he met her.
He knew she relied on him, but Cara didn’t realize he relied on her just as much. However, he had plans. A strict outline of what his future should be, and he was determined to make them happen.
When Delaney was faced with having to choose between her and his future, he panicked, and Cara pushed him away believing it was better than facing potential rejection.
More than a year later, she has to risk facing that rejection, and even worse, anger for the SECRETS she kept from him when it all fell apart…
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**Links for paperback coming soon**
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